Drip, drip, drip goes the water.
It’s been a disappointing week so far on a number of levels. First and foremost was last night’s election results. I was on the phone with Diana when I heard a bunch of yelling start outside. After a couple minutes, I said, “Shit, sounds like there’s a riot outside. Wonder what’s going on. Haven’t heard any gunshots yet, so that’s good.” I found out a few minutes later that the yells were actually exclamations of happiness that Obama had just been elected. Watching the news coverage really bummed me out. I have to admit, I had my hesitations about McCain (and especially Palin) but I thought they would pull it off. Or at least make it close. I can’t believe that Colorado is a blue state now. I called my mom last night at 1:00 in the morning and asked her how it felt to be living in a blue state. She asked if I was drunk. I was drunk.
He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink,
He drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink.
And then today, I find out that this whole economic fiasco is indeed going to affect me sooner than anticipated. My biggest client gave me notice that they’re going to be scaling back my contract soon. I’m not as alarmed by this as I should be. In a way, I knew that it was coming. And, this sounds bad, but I just don’t really care. I’m just so tired of working, it will be nice to have less to do. But, oh yes, there’s the whole money thing… I hate money. Or, more accurately, I hate having to worry about it. That’s part of why I want to get out of the city. I feel like I could work less if I wasn’t paying this ridiculous rent.
I really need to start scaling back the expenditures. Got a nasty credit card bill in the mail today. It sucks too because I thought I was doing alright. I haven’t been going out to the bars or anything lately and have been trying not to go out to eat that much. And, I really didn’t go that crazy on winter running gear. I spent like $300 at Nike and $150 at Modell’s but that was it. The thing that’s so frustrating is that it’s not anything big. It’s not like I got a super cool new plama t.v. or anything. It’s just a lot of bullshit living expense that all added up. So, my plans to run the Jingle Bell 5K in Connecticut are probably going to fade into the Joe Kleinerman 10K. Then again, I don’t know… I was just talking about this with my dad the other day. I was trying to convince him to spend the money to go on a cruise because, (I’ll quote myself here) “What’s the point of living if you don’t do these fun things every once in a while? I mean, you can scrape and save and for what? Why work so hard if you’re not getting to enjoy it?” Not that Connecticut in December is like a cruise, but you get my drift…
One by one the ships come sailing in
One by one the ships go sailing out
I got completely stumped by a project that I’m working on this past Sunday. I’m doing the back-end work for this finance site and am supposed to hook up a subscription database to PayPal Pro to accept payments. I already signed the contract and all saying that I would do this (and a lot of other shit), thinking that it would be no big deal — just a little research time and then get it done. Well, no. PayPayl’s documentation blows and I can’t make heads or tails out of anything and I wasted all of Sunday (after the marathon and the Jets game) trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do to get this to work. And, I didn’t really get anywhere. I just got a huge fucking headache. I am starting to regret taking on this project…
Speaking of the Jets game, I must say that I was impressed by how they looked this week. I have hope once again. Brett Favre tried his best to lose the game by throwing his 300th career interception, but the rest of the Jets were just too good. And, actually, Brett, you didn’t look too bad either. I’d still rather see Chad Pennington in there, but at least it’s not Obama. Oh, and so you all know that I’m not the only one questioning the irreproachable decision to bring in #4, check out this article.
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times
Luckily, the tapering thing isn’t that hardcore yet. I know the next couple weeks are going to be rough, but this week I’ve still been able to run enough to chase away the demons. I’ve been running fast all week — either sub-7’s or close to it. It’s beause I’ve been solo this week and have had a lot on my mind. That always results in quick running. Today’s run was one of the best I’ve had in a while. It started to rain hard while I was out there and I was freezing my balls off, but it just felt so good to fight through it. I kept thinking of mistakes that I’d made in my life, and every time I did, I pressed just a little deeper, a little harder. It was like I was pushing everything that was wrong back into the earth with each step.
Let’s pause here for a little game break: This post has already gotten pretty long, but I’m in a writing sort of mood and probably am not going to quit anytime soon. If you’re bored and want to walk away, this is probably a good time to do so. I really don’t care if you continue reading or not. This is just for me. It’s catharsis.
I’m also in a pomo sort of mood in case you didn’t notice.
If any ask us why we died
We tell them that our leaders lied
Sold us out down the riverside
Whose side are you on?
My knees have been hurting a lot lately. (By lately, I mean in the last six days.) I’m not sure if it’s because of the weather or because something happened to them. I’m thinking (hoping) that it’s just the weather because my mileage has been fairly constant the last couple months. Good news is that the pain is inside the actual kneecap and not around it. That makes me think even more that it’s just an arthritis/cold-weather issue and not something serious. God, that’s the last thing I need is a knee injury.
I just poured my third drink of the evening. Drinks tonight are vodka over ice in a tumbler. Over half full. About three or four shots each, probably. Like I said, it’s been a rough week so far.
Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away
What did you want to be when you grew up? Was it what you’re doing now? No? Then why are you doing it now? Are you just settling? Are you just paying the rent and living a life that doesn’t excite you at all? Why? Why not do what you want to do? Are you scared? Of what? What could be worse that slaving away in an existence that you don’t enjoy and that’s not leading you anywhere?
The record stopped and now all I hear is rain drops smashing against the window panes. I want to wake up early tomorrow and run before work so I can go to the supermarket on my lunch break because I have no more milk. So, I should go to sleep soon. But, before I do, one last thought:
Sometimes, I feel like an incredibly old man when it comes to the internet. (Just for the record, I’m not that old of a man, I’m 25.) I built my first “web page” back in like 1996 and have continually modified and grown it to what you see now. But, along the way, a lot of trends have popped up that I’ve completely missed. Or, if not missed, jumped on to very late. This whole blogging thing is one of those. I didn’t even start this blog until earlier this year. And, all the time, I keep finding out about cool new (at least to me) blogging technology. Marcy (who has a very funny blog, one of my favorites) commented on mine today about a feed reader. So I decided to Google “blog reader” and found the Google Reader. It works so much better than my old system of storing the feeds as favorites in Internet Explorer. Plus, I’m sure it helps out my subscribed blogs’ SEO efforts. So, if you’re reading this and you like my blog, check out Google Reader and subscribe to my feed there. Oh, and subscribe to this one: http://www.cowboyhazel.com/blog/feed/ and not the old one. Thanks, you rock.
Does anyone else miss the 1990’s internet? I know this is gonna sound stupid because my whole career is based on the internet, but I hate what the internet has become. It’s all about making money and sleezy corporations trying to push their products onto you. I miss when it was just porn and random home pages like this one: David Hasselhoff is the Antichrist.
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never going to keep me down
Oh shit, how did I forget this? The most important thing of the week. I shaved off my beard (and the hair that accompanied it) yesterday. I had gone for almost two months without shaving and was hoping to keep it until the marathon but it just got to be too much. I was so ready to get back to looking like me. Hopefully it doesn’t affect my performance. I don’t think it will. I hope it won’t. It’s November now, so baseball superstitions no longer apply. And, I am really happy to be back to the non-bum-look-alike-Robert.