The Adventures of Cowboy Hazel

The following is from this morning. It is an instant messenger conversation I had with a coworker. It wasn’t about work. Well, at least there’s not any direct link to work that I can see.

N: i think Lucy needs a twitter account.
N: http://twitter.com/sockington
Me: lucy has one
N: for real?
Me: no
Me: holy shit
Me: 1.4 million followers
Me: cat people are so weird
N: yup
Me: i know of 3 different cats on facebook that are “friends” of my friends
N: they keep getting suggested to me
N: hahaha
Me: i refuse to befriend cats though
Me: however, i do have one dog as a friend
N: that’s cat-ist
N: species-ist
Me: yep. i’m speciesist
Me: sockington actually looks a lot like lucy
Me: but maybe thats just my speciesism — all cats look the same to me
N: hahahahahah

“I never know when to use apostrophes in its.”

“It’s actually pretty simple.”

“I know you put one in if you could say it is instead.”

“Yep. And if you can’t, then there’s no apostrophe.”

“Because it’s possessive?”

“You got it.”

“So, can you give an example?”

“The dog was barking because its collar was on fire.”

It’s two a.m. and I should be sleepy but I’m not. Leonard Cohen is on Pandora and Lucy is pawing at my leg trying to get my attention. It might be raining outside. A glass of whisky would be beautiful, but it remains unpoured. While I wait for sleep, let me tell the story of tonight’s journey home.

I was sitting on the uptown 2 train completely lost in my thoughts (mostly self-reproach, but that’s another story…) when an angry yell caused me to look up. I saw two guys throwing punches at each other and quickly falling towards my direction. I stood up, moved away, and watched as they continued to trade punches until someone braver than the rest of us broke it up. One of the guys dashed out of the train and left the other, face completed bloody, standing there calling him a coward. Eventually, the conductor came, escorted him off the train, and the passengers all went back to their conversations and books and iPods. If it wasn’t for the blood on the bench where nobody was sitting any more, you would have never even known anything had happened. Ten, twenty minutes later, we finally get to 116th Street and I climb the stairs to emerge into the drizzling night. A rat scurries past me, I step over a bag of trash. I glance back over my shoulder. The rain has turned the litter strewn across the sidewalks into mush. I see a blanket on the stoop to the left shift and hear a grunt. Another rat runs by. Crossing Fifth, I look downtown and see the unlit Empire State Building standing in the distance.

Over the past year, as running has become a bigger part of my life, this blog has become more and more of a running blog. That’s really not what I intended it to be at the outset, but I do enjoy writing about my running very much. So, I have decided it’s time for me to separate out my writing about running from my writing about everything else. I’ve been on the hunt for a name a while now and finally came up with one I’m happy with a few days ago: To Badwater. Check out the About The Blog page that I wrote for more on the name and also my running plans for the next few years.

I moved the running-related posts over there and left the other stuff here. The line between the two was often murky, so there’s a little bit of overlap. I’ll keep this blog open, but if you’re here to hear about my running, you should switch your subscription over to the new blog. If you run into any technical issues, please let me know.

This writing is more for me than for you. I feel I should clarify that now so that you can walk away if you like. This isn’t the typical Cowboy Hazel running blog of late. This is a Robert James Reese journal entry, like those that came before the blog. If you want the former, skip to the next (previous) post.

I just finished reading a Paul Auster novella: Man In The Dark. That is not what this is about. The book was rather disappointing actually. Auster’s work in the past has been amazing, but this seems to be some random notes that he slapped his name on merely to make some money. The story works, but it doesn’t really do or mean anything. It seems like a first draft.

That’s all beside the point. The point is that the book made me realize that I have quit writing. I used to write all the time, but now I never do. Sure, I write up here, but that doesn’t count. It’s a hollow, matter-of-fact reporting of my mediocre running performances. Hardly anything worthwhile.

I once wrote a novel. It was horrible. But, at least it was an effort towards being something good. Now, I don’t even try.

I need to start trying again.

I’ve been thinking about this. About life. About where I want to be and who I am. My job is going well. Much better than I ever could have hoped for, in fact. But, that doesn’t make me happy. It’s not my dream. I hope to stay there for a few years, but beyond that, I don’t know if I could do it. I mean, sure, I could if I had to. But is that what I want?

No.

I want to write. I want to be a good writer. I realize that I’m not now, that I need practice, that I need to keep experiencing the real world to gather stories, but also, that I need to keep writing. And not this.

We’ll see where this all leads. I’m not sure now. I just want to throw it out there. Make sure I remember how I’m feeling at this moment, since this seems to be my journal these days.

Next book on the reading list: Wild Animus by Rich Shapero. Someone handed me an advance reading copy of it outside the UMC (on the University of Colorado campus) five years ago and I’ve been meaning to read it ever since. Now seems like the right time. I hope it was worth the wait.

p.s. While reading over this before “publishing”, I found that the parenthesis about the UMC being on the CU campus really bothers me. I obviously know that the UMC is in Boulder, so why did I have to include that note? I tried writing for myself, but clearly I didn’t. Maybe this whole blogging thing isn’t going to work after all. Why didn’t I just delete the parenthesis? Because I can’t.

“After years of waiting… Now it’s your turn!” Thus read the big envelope sitting in my mailbox from the New York Jets this afternoon when I got back from the pharmacy (picking up more of that nasty smelling lotion). There’s not a lot that could have taken my mind off the misery that not running because of injury is, but finding out that my years of being on the waiting list for season tickets had finally paid off was definitely up there.

I logged onto their website, checked for seats and somehow, amazingly, ended up with a pair of tickets 20 rows back on the main level! They’re on the 10-yard-line, which isn’t ideal, but there’s no way I can complain… To have season tickets for the Jets on the main level!? I can’t even believe my good fortune.

There is, however, some bad news that goes along with that — the price tag. I spent a little over $1800 on the tickets so pretty much every other non-required expense just got shut down. No more sailing trip to the Bahamas. No more bicycle. No more Yankees games this year (except the ones I already have tickets too). I’ll probably have to sell a couple games too because I really want to be saving up money for my future house… Good news on that is that tickets in my section are already going for like $200 each on StubHub.

So, I finally have my childhood dream of being a season ticket holder. It didn’t come in the city I thought it would, but it feels very good nonetheless. I’m very excited to see what the Jets put together this year with Mark Sanchez in the mix. I have a good feeling about my adopted team.

In running news: I went for a super-slow run this evening and made it about two-and-a-half miles before the knee flared up and I quit. I didn’t push it at all, was trying to be safe. It was my first run since Monday. My knee feels okay tonight which is a definite improvement over the pain from earlier in the week.

Also, I have an MRI at 8:30 tomorrow morning. It might not be necessary, but the insurance is covering it and I’d love to know for sure that nothing else besides the IT Band issue is going on. Plus, the doctor said there might be fluid on the knee that they can take out which would help me heal quicker. I don’t care what it takes, I just want to be fixed up and back on the road. Unfortunately, I won’t know what the results of the MRI mean until Monday because that’s when my next visit to the orthopedist is. I still can’t believe I’m heading back there again… I must be desperate.

Notes:

~ I didn’t run today. I’m not running tomorrow either. I’ll do an easy 4-5 miles on Thursday, then rest up again Friday. I really, really want to be able to run strong this weekend on my relay up in Vermont.

~ Thank you all for the great advice and links. I’m still really hoping that this is nothing serious and I don’t want to attach a name to it or self-diagnose or anything like that. But, after reading the stuff that was sent to me, I decided to take a very cautious approach and, if anything, err on the side of caution.

~ I’ve been using one of my Scottish flags as an ice pack. I have the other one on my wall in the loft, next to all my race bibs.

~ This weekend, I mailed in my lease renewal, extending my rental of this apartment to three years. Out of curiosity, I looked up records from the 3 years prior to moving here and found that, in that time, I lived at 6 different addresses in 4 different states. A slight change of pace…

~ My cousin sent me a case of wine from his vineyard. It is amazing stuff. I’m going through it way too quick. And, I need to remember to go to the store tomorrow and buy a thank you card.

~ I just signed a new contract and have been hard at work making a big cost analysis calculator report for a laboratory mice caging company. I must admit, I have thoroughly enjoyed constructing it so far. This may mean that I am somewhat of a nerd.

~ I bought basketball-style wristbands at Modell’s yesterday for no apparent reason. I wore them on both wrists all day today, also for no apparent reason. And I am wearing them now, for no apparent reason.

~ I read Lolita. It was boring. Didn’t live up to the hype at all.

~Now I’m reading The Orchid Thief. It’s interesting so far. More interesting than this, in fact, so I’m going to get back to it. Good night.